Lifestyle Choices - Food for Thought
"I took my clothes off, I learnt all there is to know about sex and I changed my body - all to please men" - topless model Jordan.  A recent British tabloid story gave Michael Young cause to reflect.

Your lifestyle choice?

Anyone who scans the front pages of newspapers in Britain before purchasing will no doubt be familiar with the "glamour" model, Jordan (pictured above left).  It seems that never a week goes by without a photo of her being splashed across the cover of one of the down-market tabloids or there being a story about her latest sexual exploits.

Today (June 24, 2001) it is the turn of the Sunday People.  But this time things are a little different.  Although the story is presented in the usual sensationalist style, it seems that what the paper describes alternately as "Britain's No1 glamour babe" and a "32FF plastic boobs freak" with a craving for kinky sex, has been spending some time reflecting on her lifestyle.

Twenty-three year old Jordan, real name Katie Price, has a string of broken relationships behind her including with pop singer Dane Bowers (ex-Another Level) and Manchester United footballer, Dwight Yorke.  She now finds herself alone, lusted after but unloved by men and ridiculed by women.  According to press reports, some months ago when Jordan accompanied Yorke into the players' lounge at Old Trafford, Spice Girl Victoria Beckham, wife of soccer star David, launched into the chorus of Who Let The Dogs Out!

In the Sunday People interview Jordan lamented:

"I took my clothes off, I learnt all there is to know about sex and I changed my body - all to please men.

"More and more I would struggle to keep them happy and want them to trust me, but they never could."

The story catalogues violent, abusive relationships leading to a craving for "bizarre" sex and aborting a pregnancy when her then lover allegedly cheated on her.  It also details ever more extreme measures including a succession of cosmetic surgery operations on Jordan's breasts and lips in a desperate and misguided attempt to attract a man who would provide the genuine love missing in her life.  As the report concludes:

"Now Jordan is alone with her tragic obsessions.  She says: "I am scared of growing old and looking ugly. I want men to find me attractive and love me.

"But most of the men I have been with have never made me feel wanted - it has all been bulls**t.  Each time in the end, I felt I was to blame, that it was all my fault."

An Islamic Perspective
It is easy when faced with such a scenario for a Muslim to launch into a tirade about jahiliya and the evils of Western society.  But we are dealing with a real person here, a damaged young woman obviously suffering from low self esteem, someone who has gone astray, who is on the path to self destruction and doesn't know where to look to find inner peace.  What do Islam and a Muslim lifestyle have to offer to Jordan and other non-celebrity young women in her situation?

Islamic teachings on the treatment of women
In Islam women are regarded as equal to men in the eyes of God.

"Allah has got ready forgiveness and tremendous rewards for the Muslim men and women; the believing men and women; the devout men and women; the truthful men and women; the patiently suffering men and women; the humble men and women; the almsgiving men and women; the fasting men and women, the men and women who guard their chastity; and the men and women who are exceedingly mindful of Allah." (Quran 33:35)

With specific regard to what Jordan regards as her ill-treatment by men, Islam urges the kind and decent treatment of women.  Allah (swt) instructs us in the Qur'an:

"...Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a great deal of good" (Qur'an 4:19).

This is reinforced in the following sayings of Prophet Mohammed

Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to Allah's Apostle and asked him: "What do you say (command) about our wives?" He replied: "Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them." (Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2139)

"None but a noble man treats women in an honorable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully". (Tirmidhi).

Islam does not allow men to take their sexual pleasure then move on.  It insists on protecting the dignity of the woman through the commitment of marriage.  This includes an often substantial financial commitment on the part of the man in the form of a dowry at the time of the marriage.  Then the husband is solely responsible for all family expenses.  As Dr. Mohammed Sherif states in his essay Women in Islam Versus Women in the Judaeo-Christian Tradition: The Myth and The Reality:

"Any other property a woman may happen to own at the time of the marriage is also exclusively hers and the husband has no right to use it. Even if she earns her own income, it is the husband's responsibility to maintain her and the children, and she has no obligation whatsoever to provide for the family."

A woman's dignity and self esteem according to Islam
Susan Quilliam, a psychologist quoted in the Sunday People stated: 

"The reason Jordan is picking guys who don't treat her very well is almost always underpinned by a lack of self-esteem.

"She doesn't think she's worth it. A woman who does will go for a guy who treats her well.

"All Jordan's plastic surgery is another classic case of low self- esteem.

"She wants to be loved and sees her body as a way to get that love and attention."

It is natural to want to be loved.  But there is all the difference in the world between being loved for the real person you are and being lusted after for your body.  Islam requires men to value women and choose a wife above all on the basis of her character and piety.  And a Muslim woman need not suffer low self esteem and obsess about the contours of her body thanks to the Islamic requirement to wear modest, loose-fitting clothing leaving only the face and hands uncovered. As Saimah Ashraf explains in her essay, Shattering Illusions - Western Conceptions of Muslim Women:

"This is not a means of controlling a woman's sexuality or suppressing her but rather, is used to protect her. It is hoped that by dressing this way she will not be seen as a mere sex symbol but will be appreciated for her mind."

A new lifestyle - where to start?
When someone reaches a crossroads and realizes that their lifestyle must change, sometimes an overwhelming sense of guilt or anguish at their past deeds can paralyze them and prevent them from making a fresh start.  Perhaps they fear that given the seeming enormity of their past actions, nothing can redeem them now.  Islam teaches that it is possible to wipe the slate clean.  You can make a fresh start.

Islam emphasizes that God is compassionate and merciful.  What a person wanting to make a fresh start needs is simply a sense of repentance and to ask God for forgiveness.  As prophet Mohammed told us:

"Allah the Almighty has said: O son Of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."
(at-Tirmidhi)

Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood narrated that Muhammad said: "A sincere repenter of sins is like one who has not committed sins."
(Baihaqi).

It is also possible to redeem oneself through refraining from repeating the wrongs one committed in the past and replacing them with good deeds.

"A male or female, who is a believer and performs good deeds, we shall give him a goodly life. And ultimately a fine reward for what they had been doing". (Quran 16:97)

"Do a good deed after every sin for it will annul it." (Ahmad, ad-Darimi, at-Tirmidhi)

"Once a man, who was passing through a road, found a branch of a tree with thorns obstructing it. The man removed the thorns from the way. Allah thanked him and forgave his sins." (Bukhari)

Hadhrat Anas narrated that Muhammad said: "Seventy three acts of pardon (Maghfirat) are recorded for a person who aids a man in difficulty. Of these (seventy three pardons) one is sufficient for the rectification of all his affairs. The other seventy two will serve as means for the acquisition of lofty stages in the Aakhirah (afterlife)."
(Baihaqi).

"Allah, the Lord of honor and glory, says: Whoever does one good deed will receive ten rewards, or even more; whoever sins once will be punished in proportion to it, or I may pardon him." (Muslim)

It is important to note that good deeds can wash away sexual sin just as much as any other type.

Narrated Abu Huraira : Allah's Apostle said, "A prostitute was forgiven by God, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that." (Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 538)

Finally, in addition to seeking forgiveness and doing good deeds, sincerely carrying out the ritual obligations of Islam - prayer, fasting in Ramadan - cleanses sin and brings reward.  For example, 

Said the Prophet : The five set Prayers may be compared to a stream of fresh water, flowing in front of your house, into which you plunge five times each day. Do you think that would leave any dirt on your body?' When they replied: 'None at all!' The Prophet, on him be peace, said: 'Indeed the five Prayers remove sins, just as water removes dirt.' (Muslim).

A Bedouin came to the Prophet and said, "Tell me of such a deed as will make me enter Paradise, if I do it." The Prophet said, "Worship Allah, and worship none along with Him, offer the (five) prescribed compulsory prayers perfectly, pay the compulsory Zakat, and fast the month of Ramadan." The Bedouin said, "By Him, in Whose Hands my life is, I will not do more than this." When he (the Bedouin) left, the Prophet said, "Whoever likes to see a man of Paradise, then he may look at this man." (Bukhari)

Conclusion
While it is easy to look down at Jordan and those not famous who lead a similar lifestyle, it is important to realize that none of us, whether already Muslim or not, lives a blameless life.  We have free will and must choose our own lifestyle, both in general and how we will conduct ourselves each new day.  The good news is that whether we have been completely astray and clueless or have simply slipped from the decent lifestyle we aspire to, we know that there exists in Islam through the Quran and the sayings of prophet Mohammed the guidance we need to redeem ourselves and begin or return to a lifestyle pleasing to God.

Allahu a`lam.  God knows best.

Jordan in happier times

Read other articles on Islam by Michael young here.

MichaelYoung101@yahoo.com

© Islam For Today.com 2001

This article has also been published in the August 2001 issue of Q-News magazine.